5. No, "Gullible" Isn't Written on the Ceiling.

over the course of my life, i've fallen for many a prank.

turned bright red over many an embarrassing revelation.

secretly held a grudge against many a jokester.

consequently, there has also been a building-up of clever retorts or potential pranks i could pull to avenge myself.

but, being the peaceful, live-and-let-live person that i am [and pansy-ass], this build-up has never seen the light of day.

so, in honor of April Fool's Day, for those of you who DO have the guts to put the real jokesters in their places, or out-joke them, i offer up a list of "Suck on That!'s:"

1. i'm straight.

2. i'm pregnant, with twins, and one of them is yours/your mother's.

3. i'm British.

4. this isn't my real leg.

5. JK Rowling is my pen-name.

6. The Orphan was based on my life.

because i'm actually 60.

7. my parents got me off the Black Market.

8. i'm White.

9. "you're a dumbass" is written on the ceiling.

10. doctors have recently discovered that my antibodies can cure cancer and AIDS.

11. i'm weird/awkward/frumpy by choice.

12. the term "brains and brawn" is based on me.

13. i'm mostly brawn.

14. bullets are my only weakness.

(so Suck on That!)