27. i have weird thoughts.

i've been going through my mini-journals, trying to dig up something of a comedy bit i could offer up to my loyal readers.

nothing terribly long or detailed caught my eye, though - at least, nothing intentionally funny and long and detailed - but i did come across various random ideas i thought i'd share to pass the time and avoid studying.

here we go:

1. My mom's nickname in high school was Barracuda.

Mine was Waddles.

Something skipped a generation.

2. I really don't like that whole "Butch/Femme" thing.

Mostly because I have no idea which one applies to me.

I'm like a Butch/Femme combo.

Homeless.

A Bumme.

3. For the joke about The First Time: Gestures.

Slowly start reaching hand out as if to grab something, at last second, just after finally touching whatever, suddenly pull away.

Scared.

"Oops! Haha! ::shudder:: Oops! ...Yours or mine? ...Hahaha...?"

[Proceed with awkward, ashamed gestures.]

4. I hate being in the friend zone. I mean, if there's one thing I like about myself, it's my taste in women.

But hot damn.

And you get so desperate you start doing desperate things.

Like playing chauffeur or buying them things.

Being their wingwoman.

That's probably the worst, actually.

Except, luckily for me, she has no idea that I'm actually a terrible wingwoman.

5. PMS Goggles.

6. ...Also, last night's dream featured an all-out spoon-fest with ____ ____.

Random, but lovely.

Until I woke up to find out that none of it happened.

Still, though.

Dream ____ ____ knows how to cuddle.

7. Speaking in terms of spoons.

I'm way too effing lazy to be butch or femme.

I'm okay with just being bumme.

Fetch.

A surprise big spoon.

8. Waiting for Godot spoof: Waiting for Jaffar.

Magic carpet.

9. Hm. I should try to find a way to unite Drunk Vickie and Sober Vickie.

Confident Vickie and Lame, Whiny Vickie.

Gross.

I'm lame in real life.

10. Whatever [in regards to being called a "perv"].

Last week I totally considered spooning as "getting some."

11. "Playing for teams."

The lesbian team playing in flannel jerseys.

12. BAH.

13. I didn't know I was weird 'til my mother told me.

14. I come from a long line of terrifying women.

And I take after my dad.

15. Impelled to write a short story entirely in my mother's voice.

Which might accidentally become an entire novel, given the superfluous verbal additives that're sure to arise.

16. My "game" is more like Parcheesi.

Seems like everyone else is playing Halo.

17. I like how Disney thinks it got the whole Asian peoples covered with Mulan.

They needed about 20 movies to show us the different kinds of white people who're out there, but Asians needed just one.

4. Get a Prescription for Ritalin.

a train of thought i recorded several days ago, when i was supposed to be studying. or weeks. i can't count.

1. McGonagall was Dumbledore's fruit fly.

2. ...Dumbledore was totally McGonagall's lesbro.

3. if the Three Broomsticks had a Witches' Night...

4. ...or a Wizards' night...

5. ...or if Hogwarts had a GSA.

6. if witches and wizards bother with practicing safe sex...

7. ...Protego!

8. why didn't Harry accio the golden egg?

9. why didn't Hermione ever bitch-slap Harry/Ron?

10. is transitioning for a witch-to-wizard or wizard-to-witch easier?

11. ...is there a spell for that?

12. what if you're a witch/wizard who identifies more as, say, a centaur?

13. why can't i get a degree in Witches Studies?

14. i don't know what to do with my life.

15. i can't even get this paper done without getting completely distracted.

16. is there a potion for ADD?

17. i bet i have undiagnosed ADD.

18. it'd explain a lot of things.

19. like that time i randomly blurted out the number 2 when, apparently, the professor had asked, "What percentage of the world is Asian?"

20. i wish i was more Asian.

21. only sometimes, though.

22. except when i'm applying for things.

23. i feel like people grade Asians harder.

24. it's lucky i have an ambiguous name, that leans a little more toward the brown side.

25. it actually sounds almost British, til you get to the last name.

26. i wish i was British.

27. i'd like to raise my kids in the UK, just so they'd speak in cute accents and call me "mum" or "mummy."

28. "mum" is probably one of my favorite words.

29. my second-favorite is "fancy."

30. my absolute-favorite is "douche."

31. "douche" is a magical word that i refuse to use too much, because i worry that i'll get tired of it.

32. it's a noun.

33. and an adjective.

34. onomatopoeia.

35. French.

36. i wanted to learn French more than i ever wanted to learn Spanish.

37. when i'm at a Mexican/Mexican-themed restaurant, where the menu items are Spanish-y, i have to pep myself up in order to say the name properly.

38. usually, i still panic when it's my turn to order and end up saying things with hard r's and a slight valley-girl accent.

39. whenever i think back to particularly embarrassing moments, my body literally convulses.

40. laughing out loud actually helps keep the convulsions under control.

41. so i sound crazy rather than look crazy.

42. i laugh in all situations.

43. it got me kicked out of a haunted trail once, because, when something jumped out at me, i jumped, panicked, and laughed long and hard out of anxiety.

44. i also stare at people uncomfortably when i'm feeling especially awkward.

45. or when i'm plucking up the courage to say something to them.

46. especially if they're very pretty, or at least interesting-looking.

47. one of the nicest compliments i've ever gotten is, "Vickie, you bring out the weird in people."

48. i still don't exactly understand what that means.

49. holy crap.

50. it's 2:23 in the morning.