27. i have weird thoughts.

i've been going through my mini-journals, trying to dig up something of a comedy bit i could offer up to my loyal readers.

nothing terribly long or detailed caught my eye, though - at least, nothing intentionally funny and long and detailed - but i did come across various random ideas i thought i'd share to pass the time and avoid studying.

here we go:

1. My mom's nickname in high school was Barracuda.

Mine was Waddles.

Something skipped a generation.

2. I really don't like that whole "Butch/Femme" thing.

Mostly because I have no idea which one applies to me.

I'm like a Butch/Femme combo.

Homeless.

A Bumme.

3. For the joke about The First Time: Gestures.

Slowly start reaching hand out as if to grab something, at last second, just after finally touching whatever, suddenly pull away.

Scared.

"Oops! Haha! ::shudder:: Oops! ...Yours or mine? ...Hahaha...?"

[Proceed with awkward, ashamed gestures.]

4. I hate being in the friend zone. I mean, if there's one thing I like about myself, it's my taste in women.

But hot damn.

And you get so desperate you start doing desperate things.

Like playing chauffeur or buying them things.

Being their wingwoman.

That's probably the worst, actually.

Except, luckily for me, she has no idea that I'm actually a terrible wingwoman.

5. PMS Goggles.

6. ...Also, last night's dream featured an all-out spoon-fest with ____ ____.

Random, but lovely.

Until I woke up to find out that none of it happened.

Still, though.

Dream ____ ____ knows how to cuddle.

7. Speaking in terms of spoons.

I'm way too effing lazy to be butch or femme.

I'm okay with just being bumme.

Fetch.

A surprise big spoon.

8. Waiting for Godot spoof: Waiting for Jaffar.

Magic carpet.

9. Hm. I should try to find a way to unite Drunk Vickie and Sober Vickie.

Confident Vickie and Lame, Whiny Vickie.

Gross.

I'm lame in real life.

10. Whatever [in regards to being called a "perv"].

Last week I totally considered spooning as "getting some."

11. "Playing for teams."

The lesbian team playing in flannel jerseys.

12. BAH.

13. I didn't know I was weird 'til my mother told me.

14. I come from a long line of terrifying women.

And I take after my dad.

15. Impelled to write a short story entirely in my mother's voice.

Which might accidentally become an entire novel, given the superfluous verbal additives that're sure to arise.

16. My "game" is more like Parcheesi.

Seems like everyone else is playing Halo.

17. I like how Disney thinks it got the whole Asian peoples covered with Mulan.

They needed about 20 movies to show us the different kinds of white people who're out there, but Asians needed just one.