34. My mom is deep.

what's this? a second blogpost in just 24 hours?

huzzah!

i've recently received some good news, so i'm in a giving mood.

this post is inspired by a new find of mine, Tiger Mom Says, so it features some pretty impressive tidbits of advice my mother's graced my sisters and me with over the course of our lives.

here we go:

1. "You will not play the flute. You will play the saxophone like my favorite artist, Kenny G."

2. "What is Swarthmore? I know what Harvard is. Not Swarthmore!"

3. "You don't need a boyfriend. You need to become a well-rounded person. Special in everything so that you can host Saturday Night Live someday."

4. "Why are you going to social work school? Why does everything have to be the hard way with you?!"

5. "Why are you going to be a teacher? Why does everything have to be the poor way with you? Don't you want to own a boat someday?"

6. "You won't sing. You play instrument and learn real skill."

7. "University of Chicago? Why you going so far away for state school not even as good as UVA?"

8. "You think B+ is okay? B going to take you to community college!"

9. "You want to join drama club? You make enough drama at home with your grades!"

10. "Japan? I can't talk to you anymore."

11. "Don't cry; it makes you look guilty."

12. "Speak up; shy people weird everyone else out."

13. "I knew you were gonna grow out of the lesbian thing like your grandma grew out of the lesbian thing."

14. "Nobody puts my baby in the corner."

15. "You wanna go to college to get job being funny? I'm funny, why don't you pay me? You can't? Exactly."