22. sex is weird.

i'm actually not gonna start this post off with sex.

the title was just a ploy to reeeeeel you in.

and you see, it worked!

perv.

(fear not, though: awkward observations about sex are to come.

...hahahaha.

...gross.

sorry.)

anywho!

what i will start off with is the fact that my triple-threat status as an ethnic, queer woman gets a lot of weird reactions.

brown and yellow people take one look at my gayness and say, "eeeeeeesh."

gays/overly politically correct and activist lesbians take one look at my iffy hue and go, "oooooooo."

straight guys look at everything and say, "YESSSSSS."

hm.

i've never really understood that whole "straight guy fascination with lesbian sex" thing.

maybe it's because, for me, the mystery's gone.

er, actually, the mystery is still very much there, as the reality of the situation is that sex is downright confusing.

don't get me wrong, i hardly regret anything.

it's just.

hot damn.

my first time was...right.

we'd talked about it, prepared for it, we really cared about each other, we were sober...

it was right.

but holy Jeebus.

there were moments when i kind of wished i was at least a little drunk.

had some liquid courage.

didn't apologize every few seconds for being awkward or doing awkward things.

didn't make things more awkward than they needed to be by apologizing for being awkward.

straight guys/guys in general don't know how easy they have it.

lucky douches.

if there's one thing i've learned in the past year, it's that women are weird.

and complicated.

and the fact that i'm one of them doesn't make things any easier.

if anything, it's more terrifying to think that the other person might be able to read my thoughts or something.

or might know or understand something about me that i don't even know or understand.

women are weird and complicated and scary.

i would know: i come from a long line of them.

and i take after my dad.

[to be continued. sorry for the abrupt ending.

that's what he said!]