21. i am a grown-up.

oops.

i don't know how it happened.

when it happened.

how or why i let it happen.

it just happened.

not "just" as in i only very recently made the jump from perfectly, acceptably a-little-too-nerdy Harry Potter nerd to a kind of weird, gerascophobic dork with zero intent to let go of nostalgia; "just" as in the Forces That Be must've had all of this in mind from the very beginning.

and there's nothing i can do to stop it.

this isn't necessarily a bad thing, i guess.

i mean, i definitely wouldn't've wanted the agonizingly self-absorbed and emo teen years to have gone on any longer than they did.

...although i would've preferred a little more time to develop my awesome.

or at least to find it.

seriously.

if there's one thing that's unnerving about this whole grown-up business it's that i have no idea where to draw any of the new lines.

like the line between what's Cool and what's Too Cool for Someone My Age.

or the line between Age-Appropriate and Creepy.

lately i've been taking into account, more and more, the things that i say and think and do.

the kinds of things that i was sure made me, me, but now, i worry, make me wildly immature:

1. my undying love for Harry Potter.

2. my undying love for bad jokes.

3. my unlimited supply of graphic tees (according to friends, this is why i still get carded at movie theatres).

4. my tendency to giggle a little too much at inappropriate times.

5. my relationship issues/indecisiveness.

6. my Goonies poster (which features The Truffle Shuffle).

7. my cringeworthy journal entries.

8. my tendency to pine and whine about "crushes."

9. the fact that i get "crushes."

10. my favorite words: douche and fancy.

11. my booze-induced hiccups.

12. my tendency to blush when talking to someone on whom i have a "crush."

13. my use of "on whom," which only speaks to my need to dazzle "adults" with my "grammar."

14. the fact that i just made myself laugh with the overuse of quotation marks.

15. Mariah Carey's "One Sweet Day" is one of the top 25 played songs in my iTunes.

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but the more i think about this - as i write this blogpost (so i apologize if the sudden shift in this posting is as jarring and poorly timed as that unfortunate age-up) - the more i begin to justify my actions and interests.

and maybe that's the key to successfully crossing through the sacred gateway that is Adulthood?

not the changes in said actions and interests, but the reasons behind them?

or at least the way you re-word said reasons for actual grown-ups you run into at actual grown-up parties.

for example:

1. the Harry Potter series very warmly, creatively, and accurately expresses the ever-essential themes of growing up and unconditional love and its triumph over all evil.

...and i can't wait to read it to my future children.

because they're children's books.

and i don't still read them for myself.

unless i'm just, you know, re-jazzing up the idea of reading it to my future children.

and only then.

2. hipsters think bad jokes are hip.

because commercial people just can't appreciate them.

3. ...skip.

4. sorry, i was thinking about something very legitimately and age-appropriately funny just now.

5. i transcend society's idea of monogamy.

and i really don't like contributing to capitalist-driven economy that is based on arbitrary "choices."

6. because i'm so grown up and "with it," this poster is okay because it shows that i have a fun side.

7. what cringeworthy journal entries?

8. bitches trifle.

9. skip.

10. "the fact that my favorite word choices are non-sequitur makes me unique and edgy."

11. eff you!

12. blaming the booze i am adult enough to consume in public places.

13. i read.

14. see #4.

15. that's how long ago my youth is.

and so on and so forth.

convincing, eh?

(in all honesty, this is a very select and small sampling of all of the things i'm sure don't do much for the elusive Grown-Upness.

(but maybe, on a more serious note, maybe the more grown-up thing to do would be to take all of this for what it is, and accept me for me.)

by jove! you've just witnessed some life-learnin' magic!

so did i!

magic.

...gotta go read.)