10. Beware of Working Gays.

a little while ago, Governor Bob McDonnell, of Virginia, passed a measure that excludes the LGBT community from an anti-discrimination law.

but be cool, my babies: surely there's a reasonable explanation for this.

several.

probably.

i mean, it's a law, right?

the thought process probably went something like this:

1. gayness is a choice.

2. gays make bad choices.

3. if they were smart, they'd wanna keep overpopulating the planet.

4. crazies.

5. crazies don't belong in the workplace.

6. they belong in asylums and closets.

7. gays look better in uniforms/suits/pantsuits.

8. it's harder to make hospital gowns as flattering as pantsuits/suits/uniforms.

9. lack of sunlight wouldn't do them any good, either.

10. they'd be pale.

11. and powerless.

12. unless they were vampires.

13. in which case, they'd just be pale.

14. then we'd know for sure that they were evil.

15. it's science.

16. God invented science.

17. but He didn't invent gayness.

18. they belong in asylums and closets.

19. plus, i'm pretty sure they'd be checking us out all the time.

20. distracting.

21. science.

6. Confederates Need Remembering, Too.

recently, Governor McDonnell, of Virginia, declared the month of April "Confederate History Month."

this declaration comes not long after he and his attorney general's attempts to encourage discrimination against LGBT individuals in Virginia universities.

consequently, he's gotten quite a bit of flack for his radically conservative actions.

...the latest in these selective and conservative actions was the governor's decision to exclude any mention of slavery in his seven-paragraph Confederate History/proposal for the Month.

but really, Liberal-Minded Media?

what's the matter with polishing up some unpleasant, wishy-washy details, between friends?

you're all overreacting.

i mean, the Confederates deserve as much respect and remembrance as any other culturally/racially/socio-economically oppressed sect of society, right?

plus, Confederacy is so much fun!

i even googled/wikipedia'd it to make sure.

here's what McDonnell must've been thinking:

1. when else would i be able to wear my wizard hat?

2. slavery is soooo depressing.

3. plus, it got shiz done.

4. plus, it was ages ago.

5. let's face it, Lincoln was kind of a tool.

6. wizard hats > top hats.

7. i <3 secession.

8. equality is for pansies.

9. it never hurts to remind people of how white Virginia is.

10. and of God.

11. there are way too many heathens in Virginia these days.

12. gays, i mean.

13. gays and brown people are taking away the rights of good people.

14. er, straight people.

15. and Christians.

16. ...and white people.

17. right people.

18. they're everywhere now.

19. the wrong people, i mean.

20. er, "different" people.

21. people judge me if i hang up my Confederate flag.

22. or deny people equal rights.

23. sheesh.

24. i can't say anything anymore.

25. but maybe if i remind them of how important the Confederates were, They'll get off my back.

26. Confederate History Month.

---

it's okay, McDonnell: this multiracial, queer woman has your back.

no worries.