24. holy libido!

it's embarrassing, that fluttering feeling i get in my tummy when i'm Googling and catch things like, "Emma Stone is a lesbian."

guilt.

and hope.

but.

i don't know if i've ever had that feeling of wanting to "sex" someone.

when i first saw Easy A, i thought to myself, Oh, man. I bet she'd be a really great little spoon.

my libido is stupid.

or it would be if i had one.

sometimes it feels like i gotta Pokemon that shiz.

catch it, i mean.

evolve it.

give it a cute name like Libidomon or Friskymon and bust it out of an undersized ball when the right grooves are playing and for the kind of person my Gym Leader warned me about.

...in the meantime, i have to get over myself and realize that, when i go out to bars or parties, not everyone i meet is going to be all up for hooking up in a purely - literally - Biblical sense, where legs are clapped shut and the only thing i'm looking for is a good cuddle.

it's weird how strong this need to cuddle is.

i'm cuddle-horny.

corny.

so much so that when i see someone like Emma Stone i say, "Boy, would I wanna cuddle her bones. Just get right up in there and SNUGGLE."

hot damn.

maybe i should pay someone.