43. trying not to make situations awkward makes situations even more awkward.

i'm going to take a brief break from my usual anti-romance writing and present to you things i do to make awkward situations all the more awkward.

but if you read the title, you probably already figured that out.

anyway.

1.  walking in the rain back up to my internship office, i turned the corner and found myself face to face with a middle-aged man who was mid-swing in what looked like an umbrella-rain-dance-a-la-Gene-Kelly.

and instead of joining in [as i should've done, in retrospect], i stared for a few seconds before finally offering a friendly smile.

too late.

he took off without another word, ashamed.

2.  i was eating breakfast in an elevator when i noticed yet another middle-aged man was watching me.  mouth full of food, i tried to strain a smile.

it felt like a Grinch smile.

he looked away.

3.  "I'm yoh mommy, I'm not gonna like any boys you girls bring home."

"Well, that's lucky for me!"

"GIRLS, TOO."

[this one wasn't actually entirely my fault, but it's fun to share.]

4.  "You know, relationships and, uh, all that, that stuff that go with them, they're tough."

"...Yeah.  I dunno, Daddy, I just don't know...what...to do...with girls."

"Me neither!  I had no idea til the wedding night."

"...Gross."

5.  [shortly after #4]

"I don't know how to go about being affectionate either."

"Okay."

"You know, haha, one day, I told your mom -- I was kidding around -- 'Wanna go upstairs, to our room?'"

"Um."

"And she said, haha, 'You gonna hap to seduce me first.'  Hahahaha  Of course, I didn't know how."

"Gross."

6.  I drunkenly ran into a cute girl at a party.  Didn't know how to carry on a conversation, as usual.

So, instead, I said, "Put your arms up like this!"

She did.

And I went in for a Sneak Hug.

7.  I was 5, talking to my best friend.

"I'm not saying I LIKE girls, I'm just saying that if I was a boy I'd like Kate."

"Um..."

"So if YOU were a boy, which girl would YOU like?"

"...I don't know..."

"C'mon...you've never...thought about it?"

"No."

"C'mon!  I won't tell anyone.  This is just make-believe."

"...Vickie, I don't know."

"GAH!  You're lame!"

8.  playing Life with my sisters and my younger cousins, to whom I wasn't Out yet.  it was my turn.

"'Stop.  It's your wedding day!'"

"Okay, so you get to put someone else in your car."

"...Make it a pink one."

"...Why?"

"I dunno.  My husband could like pink.  Or maybe I don't want to get married.  Maybe I just want to go through life with my best friend."

::silence::

"...Okay.  Here's your pink piece."

[later, my turn again.]

"Yay!  My...best friend...and I are adopting twins!"

9.  [Someone tells a bad joke.]

Me:  Bwahahahahahaha!

Cousin Angelina:  You laugh too much.

Me: ...[internal suffering]...Bwahahahahaha...!

10.  someone in my 12th grade English class told a bad joke about the book we were discussing.

having only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before, delirious, i replied, when the laughing stopped, "That was nerdy.  We are nerds."

11.  in my 10th grade English class, discussion turned to the topic of bullying.

i raised my hand.

and proceeded to go into a 10 minute tirade about the evils of bullying.

and started to cry.

a lot.

everyone was stunned and silent.

"I-I-I don't know hahaha  why I'm crying  hahahaha  boohoohoooooooo!  Hahaha!  Boohoo!  Haha!  PMS!  Boohoo!"

--

if there're more, you'll be the first to know.